Parents are often very concerned about their kids with regard to the issue of bullying in school. Bullying is a pervasive problem, and it is important to get schools involved as well as "bully-proofing" your kids to help them to deal with such behaviour.
**Signs**
If you are interested in knowing whether or not your child is being bullied there are tell-tale signs to look out for that may help before taking further action. Take note if:
1. she's losing interest in her schoolwork, and letting her grades slip.
2. she appears to be socially isolated and is afraid to make contact with other children.
3. she exhibits mood swings, or appears depressed, sad or has become bad-tempered.
4. she comes home with clothing that's torn or in a mess, or has belongings that are damaged.
5. she has scratches or bruises but is unwilling to give an explanation of what happened.
6. she's afraid to go to school in the morning.
7. she chooses a longer or out-of-the-way route to school.
8. she claims to feel ill frequently in an attempt not to go to school that day.
A lot of victims do not report the bullying to their parents or teachers because of embarrassment, or the feeling that adults can be of no help anyway. It is then up to the parent in the most compassionate manner, and with a great deal of patience, to talk to the child and find out definitely if she is being bullied.
**What can parents do?**
Ideally, the school should be aware of what is happening and contact the parent but, if not, you must get hold of your child's teachers right away and report what is happening. Obviously, it is a very emotional situation, but try to keep in mind that your goal is to get the support of the schoolfor the sake of stopping the bullying behaviour, rather than to punish certain individuals. Keep the bigger picture in mind.
Don't become too emotional, and stay with the facts; you will get far more out of working with the school if you can keep a cool head.
**Strategies for your child**
In the meantime it is advisable to work with your child on methods for dealing with bullying situations. Aggression is never the answer to such a situation. Striking back may only cause more problems for you, such as having your child expelled from school.
Advise your child to walk away from potentially problematic circumstances, and encourage her to inform an adult in a calm manner, giving all the pertinent information.
Cultivate your child's self-esteem by developing her skills and talents. Encourage her social side by having her make friends with the more polite children among her peers. Above all, talk to her about bullies: make it clear that they are the ones with the problems and their behaviour is their choice, and what has been happening to her is not her fault.
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